DO:

Discuss immediate plans with your spouse before telling the children about the divorce.

Help your children understand that the divorce is not their fault.

Encourage your children to talk to other supportive adults.

Seek counseling for you, your spouse and your children.

Talk to your children frequently about the divorce and answer all of their questions.

Spend as much time with your child as possible.

Be supportive of your child’s relationship with your spouse.

Provide an emotionally safe environment for your child at home.

Be sensitive to your child’s needs.

Listen to your child.

Place your child’s well-being as a top priority.

Encourage your children to talk about their feelings.

Let your children know their feelings are normal and acceptable.

Talk to your children about the divorce in terms they will understand.

Reassure your children that the parent leaving the house will be okay.

Encourage your child to read age appropriate books about divorce.

Supply your child with websites and helplines that will offer sound advice appropriate to the child’s age.

DON’T

Involve your children in any conflicts between you and your spouse.

Attempt to make your children take sides in the divorce.

Keep your child from spending time with your spouse.  This does not apply to situations involving any type of abuse.

Expect your child to deal with his or her emotions and feelings as an adult.

Allow your young children to take on adult responsibilities during the divorce or after.

Assume your children understand the divorce if they don’t ask questions.

Try to seek revenge on your spouse through your children.

Air your grievances with your spouse in front of your children.

Make sudden or drastic changes to your child’s routine.

Criticize your spouse in front of your children.

Talk to your older children as if they are adults and ask their advice concerning the divorce.

Transfer your anger towards your spouse to your children.

Give your child unnecessary details about the divorce.

Expect all your children to react the same to the divorce.

Make your child feel badly for being sad, anxious, or fearful.

Expect your children to know how to handle their turbulent feelings on their own.

Involve your children in decisions that should be made by you and your spouse.

Expect your child’s questions to end after the initial explanation of the divorce.