Telling children about an impending divorce is never an easy task.  Parents can lessen the stress of this situation by putting the child’s needs first and anticipating the child’s reaction.

Children are keenly aware of constant tension in the home, and many of them already suspect a divorce is imminent before their parents actually tell them the news.  Hearing the news from one or both parents turns their suspicions into reality, and this can result in a flood of emotions.

There is no perfect time to tell a child about an impending divorce.  Parents need to be aware of upcoming special or stressful events in the child’s life and try to avoid breaking the news close to these events.  A period of uninterrupted time is ideal, as this allows time for a detailed explanation and also time for the child to ask questions.

Parents need to give the child time to process and accept the information.  The amount of time needed will vary with each child.   The child may choose to discuss his or her feelings with other family members or close family friends.  If possible, parents should ask these family members and friends ahead of time to offer support to the child.

Parents should agree on as many aspects of the divorce as possible before discussing the divorce with a child.  In order to be well prepared, the parents can work together to make a list of questions that the child may potentially ask.  If the parents are unable to answer a child’s question, they should let the child know when they will have an answer.

If possible, both parents should be present when the child is told about the divorce.  When both parents give the same explanation for the divorce, the child will feel less anxious and fearful.  The child needs to be told the news slowly, and the parents should be prepared to repeat the same information many times.  There will likely be numerous conversations about the divorce with the child after the initial discussion.

Very young children do not need to hear many details regarding the divorce.  Parents need to give children aged six to eleven years old more details and solid explanations.  Adolescents will typically require a high degree of explanation and details.  It is advantageous for the parents to discuss with each other how they will approach the discussion before talking to the child.