Children are usually filled with fear, anxiety, and sadness when they learn of their parents’ divorce.  Parents need to be extremely sensitive to their child’s feelings and be prepared to assist their child in the inevitable struggles that are a part of a divorce.

It is essential that children understand that the divorce is not their fault.  Many children assume that this is the case if they are not specifically told that the divorce is strictly a matter between the parents.  The parents should make it a priority to ensure the child understands that the divorce was not caused by anything the child has done.

Parents should let the child know that it is normal to be upset about the divorce.  Intense and unstable emotions are typically a part of any divorce, and children need to understand that their feelings are acceptable.  Children desperately need their parents to listen to them express their unfamiliar and overwhelming feelings.

Children need to be reassured that the parent leaving the home will be alright.  Both parents need to convey this to the child, especially the parent leaving the home.  Parents also need to let children know that both parents will support and encourage the child’s relationship with the other parent.  Children must feel comfortable having a relationship with each of the parents and know that he or she can discuss feelings and issues concerning the divorce with either parent.

Parents need to let the child know that he or she can ask questions at anytime and that the same question can be asked more than once.  Children also need to understand that they can talk to other trusted adults or their friends about the situation. 

Children need to be told of any immediate plans.  They will want to know what to expect in the short term as well as the long term.  If a child will be changing schools because of the divorce, the parents should give this information as soon as possible.  The child will want to know how often he or she can see friends and family.  Children should also be told which parent they will live with and where the other parent will live.

When the parents can discuss immediate and future plans with the child, the child will feel more secure because there is at least some degree of control over the situation.  Allowing the least amount of disruption to a child’s life should be the top priority of each parent.