Children may experience several different types of difficulties as a result of their parents divorcing.  Parents should be aware of these potential difficulties and be prepared to help their children through this emotionally trying time.

Some children experience emotional difficulties such as anxiety, depression, and anger after their parents announce they are divorcing.  They may also have intense sadness, grief, and self-blame.  Sometimes children have a dramatic swing towards good behavior in an attempt to solve their problems.

Social difficulties experienced by children of divorce can include withdrawal from social contact, increased aggression, and destructiveness.  Difficulties related to school may be poor performance, lack of concentration, more aggression, withdrawal, and less communication with peers and teachers.  Health problems of children with chronic diseases may worsen during their parents’ divorce period.

Parents can help their preschool children by talking about the divorce in simple terms and repeatedly discussing the divorce.  Children in this age group need normal rules and routines maintained in order to feel safe and secure.  Parents need to keep a close check on their own emotions to prevent appearing harsh and unapproachable to their children.

Children aged six to nine years need to be given the opportunity to cry and grieve about the divorce.  Parents need to affirm the emotions of a child in this age group to prevent the child from becoming withdrawn and resentful.  These children especially need to be reassured that the divorce is not their fault.  They will appreciate a simple explanation of why the parents decided to divorce.

Nine to eleven year olds can benefit greatly from their parents allowing them to expression their feelings of anger.  Anger is a common reaction to divorce for this age group, and these children need to have their anger acknowledged and accepted by the parents.  These children need to feel they have a safe place to express their feelings.

Adolescents normally handle the stresses of divorce better than younger children, but they still need their parents’ help.  Parents need to be cautious of the tendency to treat adolescents as adults during divorce situations.  Adolescents should not be asked by either parent for advice or persuaded to choose one parent over the other.

Children of all age groups need to feel a sense of protection and security from their parents.  Parents need to understand that a child’s specific needs will vary depending on the age of the child.  Open communication and establishing a feeling of acceptance for the child is critical during this time.